In tutorials, I listen to other people build arguments in real time and wonder where they learned to do that. I usually understand the discussion. I just need a little longer to decide what I think. There is also the language layer. I can speak English well, but speaking quickly, academically, and in front of a group are three different skills wearing one coat. For a while I judged myself by how often I spoke. Now I prepare one point and one question before the tutorial. If the discussion moves elsewhere, I let it. I also write down the thought that arrives on the bike home instead of using it to punish myself. Participation still matters, but speed is not the only evidence that somebody is thinking.